samohtmymind (samohtmymind) wrote,

have you ever wanted.. a song to just rape you? to tear you up, like it should, and you insist. but it won't, and you feel indifference forcing itself into you, pinning you down to a moment. into the vigor of sloth and lust and again.. apathy. my sleep pattern isn't circumstance, it's refusal-- fear, really. tomorrow takes its glance, haste exponentially throbbing larger by sunrises. glory is in priority. shaken gossamer conviction, once threaded by roaring dulcimer, now just a silent boom of an instrument. what i really want is to postpone priority, but action is suppressed by conscious. the dillema is that the ancestor inside of me is warring against the grandchild inside of me, and i'm suffering. the present me feels thinner. paler. violet rims underneath each eye. where is the red on my lips, the gold in my eye. my fingers, once great ambition-tendrils, are ebbing back into a loose fist. i'll throw this one out there.. my head demands tragedy, the solace of epiphany.. in lyrics. the dilemma is that my head is reacting prophetically to the poetry, but my heart isn't wired that way-- it's painted the stubborn blues of youth. damage. that's what it is.. damage to the wide scope i've always prided myself on. i wrote this on the day of new years 2009:

"that's you, always thinking one step ahead; you're gonna trip over your own feet if you keep it up."
i'm referring to me of course. 2nd person narrative is always just you lecturing yourself.

i've tripped. and in a nutshell, my head wants up, but my heart is knotted to the gravity.

the greatest.. by cat power.

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